Category: Dating and Relationships
So I've been thinking. Yes. Surprise surprise. I had a conversation about making love with your partner and I was wondering how long you all think is an acceptable time to wait to make love. It's sort of like the whole "Would you kiss on the first date?" kind of thing. So ladies and gentlemen, how long would you wait to make love? A week? A month? Three to six months? Years? Never? And if you guys were dating online, would you make love on the first night you guys actually met in person?
For me, it honestly depends. If it were in real life, probably between 3 and 6 months, if it were online more like 1 to 2. Just me, though.
I think it just depends when both people feel comfortable and when they are ready. For me, def not on the first date.
totally agree with Mariah.
And this should be in dating and relationships.
Usually, I start with an online friendship, then, after a few weeks, we talk, and most times flirt, on the phone. Once I truly feel comfortable with the man, I invite him over. This could take a month or two weeks or a week. It really depends. But usually, sex is expected on both sides on the first meeting due to the comfort level. Of course, if things turned out differently in life, it wouldn't happen, but I've never really had that happen, except once, and it was on the guy's end cause he backed out on me. We never met or talked again. Oddly enough, I actually had a strictly platonic friend come over recently and it felt weird cause of the lack of sex. I'll be having another such encounter with a new friend soon. Still, regular friends have their place and I certainly wouldn't want to be without them.
Depends on how much she weighs. If her weight is somewhere between 500 to 600 pounds, then I'd wait about 3 months. If her weight is somewhere between 400 to 500 pounds, then I'd wait 2 months. If her weight is less than 400 pounds, I'll probably start masterbating even before I actually meet her in person.
hahahaha Good one.
Geez, Smoky, you're nice. Ouch.
I agree with others here. I don't think you can put a number on this kind of thing. It totally depends on the couple in question. For some, they could do it the first time they met, for others, they wait till marriage, and that can be several years. It might even very. Like, Michelle, you could hypothetically meet one man and have sex pretty quickly, or meet another, and decide you want to wait. Also depends on if the people want a casual fling, or a long-term relationship. Just my thoughts.
I think it depends on the people involved. But I know that, for me personally, I wouldn't do it on the first date.
Well it's been a while since I've been on the dating scene but I would like to think I'd give at least 3 months to get to know the person before making love with him. I guess I feel that sex complicates things. I'm emotional so I tend to put in and take a lot from sex. I'm not sure if I could give myself to a guy I've been dating online on the day we meet face to face. I think it could be because I am not comfortable or something. I am very shy when meeting for the first time and have to feel comfortable with people. I'm sorry for posting this in the wrong category. It's been quite a while since I've started a topic and I forgot about the dating board.
No apology needed about where you put the topic, Michelle. *Smile* And you almost sound apologetic for your feelings in answer to your own question. No need for that, either. If you're not comfortable having sex so soon, there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different in that regard, hence my statement earlier about why you can't put a number on this kind of thing.
Totally agreed. It's never a good idea to rush things or to do something just because your partner wants it. Even with the guy who said he'd rather not, I didn't push him. We just ate and then he left.
i would never be able to sleep with someone I have just met. I thought I'd always stick with this. but Dan and I had been talking for probably four months before he flew over. well seriously talking, had chatted on and off before that. but anyway, I told everyone that asked I wouldn't sleep with him the first night he flew over. i intended to stick with this. lol! but yeah, It didn't happen. I think it's differnt than sleeping with someone you have just met. I mena it's not like we hadn't been talking and getting to know each other for a few months. we had already known we wanted to be together. that we had found our life long partner! so eyah, but had I just met him and never spoken to him before, I would not be able to sleep with him. that's just not mmy thing. I don't see how someone could bring a guy home from the bar that they just met. no no no not me!
I'm all for friends with benefits, but I could never get one-night stands either, and certainly not actually bringing someone you've just met to your home. Who knows what kind of person he/she could be. And then, there are diseases, the possibility of the person lying to you about not being married or in a committed relationship etc. Totally unsafe and not recommended.
I can date with out "making love" while still fucking like rabbits. Sex doesn't automatically equate to making love.
If I have been chatting with a woman, and I like her enough to have her visit, or I go visit sex should happen unless she has lied about what she is like. Such as she claims she is 125 and when she arives I have to use the second half of the double doors to get her in the place. I am truly a sexual person, so. Now one night stands, or pickups in bars, the market, or whatever? Nope! Not interested. If I meet a lady offline, and we chat a while, and have a good time, not bar related, but through say a friend setup, then I'm interested, because I know of her through someone. My way is simply not for everyone, and I do agree that the lady that posted this should follow her first mind. You are better if you do. I'm also not willing to push, but we'd have discussed it anyway before she arrived, so.
Oh my wow! I actually agree with The Roman Battle Mask? lol Seriously, though, I feel the same way. Love and sex can be one in the same, but, many times, they're two different things for me. That said, I'd rather have sex with friendship than love with no sex if I can help it. Fortunately, I have both the love and the sexual gratification at this point in my life.
I think that each situation is different, and I'm hesitant to put a time frame on how long i would want to wait before i sleep with a girl. If I met her on line and if we dated for quite a while, (being me), naturally i would think that I'm ready to commit myself sexually to her once we're together physically, provided that she feels comfortable doing it at this stage.
If however she still is hesitant, then I will wait until such time when she's ready. Whether it happens the first night we're together, or whether it happens after 10 years doesn't matter. What matters is that we both must feel equally comfortable with sleeping together, and that what's done, is done because of our love for one another, and with the greatest respect.
Yeah you know? I did notice that I sounded apologetic. hehehehe But in a sense I guess I am. I too would like to think that I wouldn't have sex on the first night after talking to a guy I've "dated" a while online but honestly, I don't know if I would be able to go through with it. For me, it's like fighting against something that has been ingrained in me verses the modern woman I in many ways like to be. I always think of it as the Asian verses the American kind of thing. It's very hard. I remember how it was when my fiance and I were dating and how we couldn't wait to see each other again just for the hot sex. (Excuse me but I just had to share... haha) I don't know if dating when you're an adult is different from when you're 17 but sex was a very big part of it. We didn't take the time to really get to know each other before moving in together and it caused a lot of strain on our relationship. What I mean is we both had a lot of growing up to do and insecurities to overcome. We still have our spats now but it is in no way as bad as it used to be. So sometimes, I find myself thinking how sex complicates things. Especially when it's new and it's good and whatever. I feel that it clouds your emotions or something. I am in no way regretting anything we did or did not do. I just don't know and can't imagine what I would do if I were 23-almost24 bringing home a new guy. lol For me, it was so hard being in a relationship while also trying to grow up and find myself. It will be 7 years for us on the 28th and I am so afraid that all these years we've been trying so hard to work everything out will just disappear or fall apart again. I guess I'm so afraid because it's our seventh year. My sister-in-law always told me that the 7th year is the test year to see if relationships will last. I know it's really ridiculous to put such credence on things like that but I'm weird and I am still worried about it. *sighs and here I go again pouring my heart out to people I don't really know. haha So my man's really excited about our anniversary but I am not as happy/excited about it as I was for other anniversaries. And then I feel guilty because I am so full of doom. So I think about what I would do if he broke up with me and I wonder how I would be like as a single woman on the dating scene. And the dumbest thing is he has given me no reason to believe that he will leave me. So yeah. After all is said and done, I'm a neurotic bitch who should just stop over-thinking things. haha -- Thanks for reading. But if you will, keep your negative remarks amongst yourselves. :(
10 years Q?
Okay, okay, maybe not 10 years! hehehhe.
Well, as a christian, obviously, I am thinking you should make love only when you're married. I understand that thiss is hard and impossible for some. Never for me though because I had a rough past. So I guess you have to judge for yourself and just make sure you wait long enough to get to know him/her propperly.
I ain't into one night stands, but I wouldn't wait too long. I have needs damn it! I'm waaaaaay too highly sexual to hold off for more than about a monthor so. Of course, I would need to trust him at least as far as I could throw him, meaning I would have to be able to take his word for it that he has know diseases. I'm 75% clean and I intend to keep it that way. hahaha, seriously kidding about that last part. Or I'd have to get him tested. But I'm seriously sexually needy, haha. Of course, I like to restrain myself a little, since craved sex is the best sex there is. :)
well geesh and you some of the ladies say guys are needy when it comes to sex guess that onereally does turn its nice to here a woman saying she is sexually needy instead of hereing that that is all us guys want is sex lol had to throw that out their
revel Woman you hit what I feel on the head but for me coming from a male point of view. Look! "I, LOVE, SEX!" hell I go claiming the wall if I can not get it with in 4 days or sometimes less. :)
As others have stated, it really depends on the two people involved as well as the situation. sex in a relationship can be great, but, I'm okay with a friends with benifits situation if the other person can be trusted. As for a timeline, I don't have any general rule for that. if both parties want it and can trust each other, than go for it. I think sex for the sake of giving and recieving pleasure with someone you're attracted to is fine and everyone has that need, even if they directly or indirectly bury it due to their family upbringing, culture, religious dogma/brainwashing, etc. It's not wrong, shameful, or dirty, etc. Just be sure that your motives are positive.
for me i definently not do it on first date but i did it on scond date with my husband. i usall would wait 3 to six months
For me, it surely depends upon the person. how fast she's getting closer, how fast she's making me to get rid of my shyness, how fast she's earning my confidence and how fast she's making me to get turned on. all these matters.
but only reliables. I'm a very picky innocent, you know.
Raaj
haha, K.
Let me explain to y'all my honest point on this as far as my life. I have lots of friends, some of them being men. Most of my guy friends are honestly just innocent friends of mine, either married, single, or whatever, just friends. But a few of 'em are what a lot of people call "Friends with bennefits." I call 'em "Fuck toys." I don't respect or trust or care about these men enough to wanna real relationship with 'em. I don't have sex with them till I know they're clean, and I wait maybe 3 weeks to a month, but I'll never be with them seriously. If I'm single and unbarrably horny one night, I'll call my little buddy up and have a good night. That's damn near all he's good for.
Men who deserve something more than that will get it from me. If you're a real man, you deserve a good woman. Therefore, I'll never touch another guy while I'm with that type of man. I'll also wait at least a few months before we ever do anything sexual, because that's just how much I respect him. I wanna real relationship with him, and waiting is my way of showing that.
Jessie
It depends on the people involved. I'm still a virgin simplely because I'm not ready, or have found that right guy yet. :)
I'd be confused if a woman told me I was a "real man" so she was not giving herself to me because she wants to have a real relationship with me, but then tells me she's giving herself to her play friends, because they don't mean anything to her. Smile. If she thinks I'm so lofty a person why doesn't she concentrate on me alone and give me her all? Dropping these play boddies completely so we can try? You never know how a relationship will be until you get in to it. Real men can turn out just like play buddies after a while.
:) that's pretty much what I said, or what I thought I said. lol, I won't touch another man if I'm persuing a man who I think I have a future with. And I won't have sex right away with a real man who I think deserves more than just a quick fuck every now and then. is that better?